Heavy Head

 

I have a "heavy head". 

Not heavy in weight but in thought.

Mainly because I tend to reflect a lot on my past history and the significance of life events.

Often, those moments of joy or terror pulsate a new moment of realization. 

More "aha" moments rise as the self-reflection deepens and deepens. 

Therefore, this deep sense of personal evaluation and analytical thought becomes the soul guide. 

I believe meditation is the cure to the "heavy head" syndrome. 

Although, the shadow work can become a trigger to self-deprivation. 

Blaming, cursing, and crying during this grief can trigger the thought of imposter syndrome.

As a "heavy head", I tend to blame myself for the outcome of situations and give others credibility I don't give myself. It's as though my feet become the universal fit for everyone's shoe. 

"Oh, but they didn't mean to hurt me".

"BUT, IT'S MY FAMILY!"

"No, I think he loves me."

"I know they did X, Y, and Z but..."

The reality of "heavy heads" and what we see, feel, and touch becomes obscure, disjointed, and unframed. The image held in front of you every day is unclear; the visual snow at full effect. 

The number one struggle of a "heavy head" is not only pushing through the effects of being gaslighted but also the acceptance of grief. 

The darkness of the night can be the best friend of someone grieving the loss of a romantic relationship, family member, and/or a pet since they will look forward to the consistent darkness of the night. It's the sense of security that night brings, no one is able to see someone grieving in the dark. The silence of the empty streets and the breezy, cold air that stimulates the nervous system becomes a blissful moment for the griever. 

Although, grief isn't always easy as crying, cursing the air, and self-blame. It gets harder when acceptance needs to be done, following that, the top tier act of forgiveness. 

To be completely honest, forgiveness is quite confusing. It's not a linear process, it's far more complicated. 

Depending on the situation and trauma, forgiveness can be hard to establish due to all the mixed, aroused emotions. 

We find ourselves unable to forgive the person because we feel anger or vengeful. The thought of having immediate justice becomes the sensation of wealth. But, in reality, we need to understand this is only a temporary feeling. 

It's part of the process of grief, frankly. 

The end goal of grief is for "heavy heads" to understand their true self and understand triggers to heal. 

To all my “heavy heads”, I am here for you because it's not easy to process the complexity of emotions. 

But, it's the key point in loving ourselves and understanding others' actions as their own, not as OURS --ahem.